5 essential tips for writing that first killer email

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Are you struggling to make a cool first approach?  
Hopefully you know me well by now, but if not I'm here to make your dating life a little easier, a little more successful and a whole load more fun wherever possible.  I thought it was about time we took a look at how you're making your first approach with someone who has caught your eye.  Have you nailed that charming, witty, enticing first email? Or do you still need a bit of a hand?

Here are my 5 tried and tested tips for writing that first killer email. (yes, I know the photos are of people attempting snail mail and phone calls rather than email but they are way more eye-catching aren't they?)

1. Start with the subject line
This sounds obvious but it really isn't.  Most people just put 'Hello' in their subject line or something equally interesting.  Hmm.  You're missing a trick.  The subject line is like your window dressing.  Start as you mean to go on by making an effort here.  Be brief but aim to arouse their curiosity.  Or just be funny. That doesn't mean wacky though.  You don't want to scare them.  If you are unsure of the difference between what's wacky and what's funny, message me, I can tell you.

2. Use their name (or username)
When you start the email, rather than just saying 'Hi', include their username too.  They will instantly feel more of a bond and will therefore be more likely to respond positively to your message.  Yay!

3. It's all about them
You know the emails I used to hate the most?  The ones where someone had cut and paste a good chunk of their autobiography into your message.  Way to make me feel special!  The emails that I loved were the ones where they focused on me and mentioned things they liked about my profile or joked about the things they didn't like.  Worked a treat.  Remember, people love hearing about themselves so always focus on them rather than you in your first email.  They will naturally be impressed if it's obvious you've read their profile.

4. Make it easy for them to reply
A good thing to bear in mind when you're composing your masterpiece is that you want them to find it very easy to respond to what you've written.  If you ask a couple of questions, interesting ones mind you, you will then make it easy for them to respond without having to spend time thinking about what to write.  Bam!

5. Keep it brief - leave them wanting more
No one wants to read an essay from someone they don't know.  Be brief and leave them wanting to know more.  Much like this post.  Ha.

If you want me to look over your first killer email prototype, send it over.  I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

the 30 day love detox - dating book of the decade

photo credit: london's original online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

The slow love movement 
I got invited to a really cool launch party the other day by the guys who run Online Dating University and Singles Warehouse.  They had invited Dr Wendy Walsh to speak, a dating guru (among other things), who is massive in the States.  She's a regular on CNN, Fox News and all the other hard hitters.  I was delighted to be invited and was looking forward to networking with all the movers and shakers in the UK dating world but I'll admit I didn't really have any expectations about Wendy.

Is there a doctor in the house?
But let me tell you, I was blown away by her.  I think I'm a little bit in love with her.  I'm certainly crushing on her like a teenager.   As well as being a drop-dead stunner, she is so smart it hurts and she has invested a lot of time looking at the problems faced by women (in particular) in a time of, as she calls it, 'high supply sexual economy'.  The Dr is talking sense and brings together anthropological (yes, that is what I said) truths, good-old scientific research and practical techniques in a new book called 'the 30-day love detox'.  Yup, I'm aware it has a tacky title (it was her publisher's idea apparently) but I've now had a chance to read most of it, hence the delay in blogging it, and it is a must read.  If you're broke, borrow my copy.

The key thing Wendy (having met her and photographed her I feel I can call her that, lol) is promoting in the book is a 'slow love movement'.  In her own words, the slow love movement, similar to the slow food movement, is all about "eliminating 'junk food' sex and undefined relationships with blurry boundaries".  If you're struggling to find meaningful relationships, then you've got to read it.  Wendy is genius (and even more pretty in real life).

Connect with me here at saskia@saturdaynightsalright.com if you want to borrow my copy.  (It may come at a price!  Ahh, not really).

do you date like charlie brown?

image credit: Marcus Kaatari

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love" - Charlie Brown

Peanuts has been a topic of conversation here at Saturday Night Towers as my step-kids have been staying and admiring Snoopy who sits on my dressing table.  I'm very fond of him, (something to do with nostalgia and getting old) and it reminded me why I love Peanuts so much.  I thought about it in terms of online dating, as I tend to think about everything these days, and realised that the genius of Charlie Brown can help in the search for love online.  But how, I hear you ask.

1. He has vision and never gives up
Charlie Brown, you probably remember, is a total lovable loser.  He is shy, socially awkward, and regularly struggles with everything from love, life to baseball.  But you know what?  He still gives 110% to everything he tackles.  Despite his baseball team losing year after year after year, he continues pushing the team.  He organises, coaches, energises his team spurring them on.  This perseverance in the face of adversity is second to none.

Moral of the story?  Come on, if this is what you want then don't give up no matter how tough the dates, the rejection etc until you hit that boyfriend/girlfriend jackpot.  

2. He keeps the faith
All the characters in Peanuts are a little nuts, OK a lot nuts.  There is Snoopy who is effortlessly cool (ahh remember his Joe Cool?),  crabby Lucy, musically gifted Schroeder, dozy Peppermint Patty and smart yet childish Linus.  Charlie Brown is clearly the loser of the group yet he is the leader of the gang.  He is the one who keeps the faith.  He knows it's all going to come good in the end and I reckon it's this hope that keeps the gang on track and makes them look to him as their lynchpin.

Moral of the story? Keep the faith.  It's all going to work out if you keep on going.

3. He has a faithful group of friends
Although his friends are a little crazy they seem to keep Charlie Brown anchored and sane ultimately.  When times get tough they stick together and are super loyal to each other.

Moral of the story?  Had yet another bad date?  It sounds like time to gather your friends together and turn it into an entertaining story.  They'll love you for it and get you through it.  I know mine did.

If you've lost the faith and feel like giving up, check out my blog post on how to get your dating groove back.   And if you need some new pics to refresh your profile, give me a shout at saskia@saturdaynightsalright.com.  Let's get you back on track.

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the one thing you can do right now to transform your dating experience

Photo credit: london's original online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

How to effect positive change in your dating world in one sweet ninja move

So, are you dying to know what that one thing is?  Well apart from hire me, that is, to take some awesome, stunning, stand-out, fantastic dating photos for your profile of course.  If you haven't done that already, then you might want to read this blog post and then consider booking a dating shoot with me.  But enough of that and back to today's story.

The business of dating
When I started online dating, I was all about the notion of romance.  I always felt like there were signs that I needed to spot which spelt out whether someone was the one or not.  I don't know if you ever feel like that?  It became exhausting,  reading too much into things, always looking for meanings in my dating interactions that just weren't there.  In fact, I'd been brainwashed by society's notion of 'fairytale romance'.  I slowly realised that taking a romantic approach relied on chance and a complete immersion in instant attraction which wasn't based on anything real.

Then one day, I realised that this method was getting me nowhere fast and I decided to adopt a more business-like approach in my online dealings.  I decided to treat dating like I would finding a job. Romantic?  No.  Effective?  Absolutely.  I spent a bit of time thinking about:

* who my target audience were - where they hung out, what their interests were
* who the competition was - what I was up against - how other girls promoted themselves online
* what my USP was - what made me stand out from the crowd - what made me shine

Then I used that information to change up my profile, register with some new dating sites and most importantly leave the fairytale drama at the door.  By doing this, I was able to make sound decisions and weigh things up before diving straight into the next crazy-assed relationship.  And it worked.   

My advice?  Leave the romance for when you find an awesome person worth dating.

And don't forget, as I said earlier, the other thing you can do to totally positive-proof your dating experiences is to book me for an awesome, fun shoot.  If you're still undecided, check out my portfolio here.  

Time to Shine Online, baby

photo credit: london's original online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Thinking about online dating?
If you're just starting to think about giving online dating a go and you're new to it all, then I hope you're following my series Time to Shine Online which is currently featuring over on the brilliant totally4women website.  It has been written with women in mind but men will find it useful too, so get on over there.  I cover everything from how to supersize your self-love,  how to figure out what you want in love, how to create winning profiles through to how to attract the right kind of people and secure dates.  It requires a bit of effort on your part but doesn't everything that's worthwhile?  It's also a pretty useful guide for those of you who have been out of the online dating scene for a while and are giving it another go.

It comes out every Thursday and this week's episode is all about discovering your USP, what makes you different, unique and special with a view to be able to write a winning profile.  I hope you can join me.

the southbank | the ultimate sunday date

photo credit: london's original online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

I love the riot of colour, noise and bunting that takes over the Southbank every summer.  This year, however, there is a more serious undercurrent to all the fun and mayhem as a row is currently underway with the skateboarders versus Jude Kelly, the artistic director of the Southbank.  Yesterday, as I snapped away at the demonstrators in their Long Live Southbank t-shirts, I was very much on the side of the skateboarders, never having been much of a fan of Jude Kelly.  But I have to admit it isn't as clearcut as I thought yesterday, having done a bit more research.  Apparently the plan is to open an education centre and to move the skaters 100 yards up the river to an equally prominent place.  Where do you stand on the skateboarders versus Jude Kelly?  I'd be interested to hear.  In the meantime, it's still a great place for bringing dates whether a first date or hundredth one.

Ps the guy playing in the Thames is Flame Proof Moth.  Check him out next time you're down there.  So worth it.

as featured on online dating university

Are you ready to enrol at Online Dating University?
In my new role as a dating columnist I'm excited to say I have been featured on the cool, new dating site, Online Dating University, talking about my favourite topics of course, photography and dating.  The site acts as a hub for readers to go and find online dating tips, great dating blogs, date ideas and reviews of all the top dating websites.   Check out my article, the top 5 tips for winning profile photos if you have time.

For more photos like the ones used in the article, head to my portfolio/website www.saturdaynightsalright.com.  If you would like to book a photo shoot or just have a chat about what it might entail, send me an email to saskia@saturdaynightsalright.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.

4 tips to bounce back from rejection

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Need to pick yourself up after another rejection?
If you're actively online dating, then chances are you are going to have felt rejected at some point or other.  If you are anything like I was at the beginning, you might take the rejection to heart and allow yourself to get put off continuing your search for online love.  I realised after a while that wallowing in self-pity was not only miserable but also unnecessary and was ultimately dragging out my search for love so I changed my mindset.  These are the tricks that I used to pick myself up.

1. Train yourself not to take it personally
Being rejected obviously feels like a very personal thing, it feels like they are rejecting you, in all your horrible glory.  Of course in real life, nothing is as simple as that, when two people meet and go on a date there are clearly about a million factors which come into play which means it may not work out.  Quite often the timing is off, or they are in an emotionally bad place or they've just got a massive stressful promotion or someone close to them is sick.  None of those things are about you, it's just that life got in the way.  It does that.  Once you accept that not everything is about you, it's easier to let go of any hurt.

2. Treat yourself
There is nothing like treating yourself to make you feel better.  New shoes anyone?  Tickets for a festival or that gig you want to see?  Now you have the perfect justification to do it.  You're doing it in the name of personal development.  Every cloud and all that.

3. Remind yourself why you're so cool 
This is probably the most important step in the process of bouncing back.  It's crucial to build up your self-esteem and the quickest way to do that is to remind yourself of all the reasons why you're so cool.  Look at all the great stuff you've done in your life and commit them to memory.  Do something you love or are really good at.  If you're stuck, ask your best mates they'll be able to help.  Keep this up until you feel all fired up again.

4. Move on
Give yourself a few days to wallow, if you need to, but then just shake it off and get back in the game.  Come on there are dates to be had.  Many of my friends marvelled at my ability to jump back in the saddle quite soon after a break-up by the end of my dating journey.  But I had these four steps down to a tee by then and the time it took me to move on got shorter and shorter.  Less time wasted, more chance for fun.  Win win.

I hope you found this useful.  Let me know.  Find me on Facebook and tell me what helps you move on from rejection.

the people i meet | michaele

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

The people I meet

People often ask me about who the people are on my blog and so today I'd like to introduce you to Michaele.  We recently enjoyed a brilliant shoot together, taking to the streets of Dalston armed with a huge bag of props and a great summery vibe.  We ended up in Stoke Newington's cemetery just in time for the Golden Hour (that gorgeous time of night that us photographers love when the sun goes down). 

Name  |  Michaele but you can call me chickfizz

Age  |   I would have to kill you if I told you!

What is inspiring you right now?  |  I'm loving this weather, I am definitely meant to live somewhere warm!  So the sun is inspiring me to get out in the garden and grow vegetables again.  It's also great to have friends over for BBQs.  It's making me want to get out there and go on dates that involve drinking chilled wine in the sun.

What is your ideal Saturday Night? |  Dinner with friends - lots of great food, wine and laughter.  Then maybe jump in a cab and dance the night away at a club. 

What is the worst date you've ever been on?  |  Too many worst dates to mention!  But probably when he spent most of his time on his Blackberry and I made the fatal error of being nice and buying him a drink in return thus prolonging the agony.  I'm much more ruthless now!

And the best?  |  The best dates are the ones where you just feel comfortable straightaway and if you're lucky you get a kiss at the end of the night. 

Where are you favourite places to go in London?  |   Well I love Hackney, it's where I've always lived.  I was here well before the hipsters moved in!  So I love all the new bars and restaurants opening up but also like that I know everyone on my street.  I'm not going to tell you the best bits though as then everyone will turn up LOL. 

If you fancy some photos like Michaele's, then don't hesitate to drop me a line - I'm very sociable.  You can find me here at Saturday Night Towers or email me on saskia@saturdaynightsalright.com.

4 steps to get more of the dates you want

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Just 4 steps huh?
Yes believe it, if you give these four simple steps a go, you will start to get more of the dates you want rolling in and you'll put off more of the dates you don't.  Sound good?  Read on.

1. Put yourself out there
So there's no easy way to say this but if you want more quality dates, then you're going to have to buckle up and put yourself out there more.  Dating, I learned fairly quickly, is really just a numbers game.  Once you recognise this and go with it, you're halfway there.  If finding a partner is really important to you, then you're going to have to make it one of your priorities in between working, commuting, partying and sleeping.  If you set aside say 20 minutes a day to work on this, it will make a huge difference.  And my advice would be to bring some energy and passion into the mix, it will help you get in the right mindset.

2. Be confident 
I come back to this a lot, but before you kickstart your dating mischief, you need to be feeling the self-love.  If you're not, you will attract all kinds of wrong dates.  And if you're not feeling very confident, you're more likely to waste time on them too.  Sound familiar?  Self-confidence will ensure you expect high standards from your partner and, more importantly, help you kick them to the kerb if they don't meet those standards.  Going into this thing with confidence is hugely important as it will save you time and heartbreak further down the line.  Go forth and kick dating ass!

3. Be yourself
When Oscar Wilde said "be yourself; everyone else is already taken" he got it spot on as far as online dating is concerned.  There's only one you and you're pretty cool (see point 2).  By showcasing the real you, you will make it much easier to attract the right kind of person.   Check over your profile and see if you have any of those type of all-inclusive beauties like "I am just as happy walking on the beach as I am shopping in town" or "I am just as happy wearing a pair of heels as I am in wellies" etc.  You know the type of lines I'm talking about, don't you?  They don't actually mean anything and they certainly don't say anything useful about you.   What they actually say is that you're afraid to turn people off; you're trying to please everyone.  It may feel counter-intuitive but it is OK to turn people off with your profile - you will be doing yourself a favour in the long term.  It's time to hone in on what is unique about you and highlight it here.

ok we're almost at the finish line - hang in there...

4. Surprise & delight 
There is a whole surprise & delight movement out there in the world of communications, which, from what I understand (and I ain't no expert here guys), is all about brands going the extra mile to impress and win fans and create a memorable interaction.  Wouldn't it be cool, if you could find a way of doing this in your dating profile?  Your profile would immediately stand out from the masses in a good way and be infinitely more attractive.  I know what you're thinking.  You want examples.  Boy you work me hard.  OK, well I guess for me, I might have hinted on my profile that dates with me might lead to an Indian Head Massage or better still a Reflexology session (I was qualified and insured at the time, of course).  This usually went down very well but I'm sure you guys have better examples of your own.

You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned your all important dating photos here.  I think it goes without saying that the most important thing you can do to attract more of the dates you want is to create some awesome dating photos which capture the spirit of you.  You know it.  I don't need to say it.

I hope you found this useful.  Until next time.

stuff to do on dates - antique shopping

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Are you struggling to come up with new places to go on your dates? 
OK, this may sound square, and not much like me at all, but I've always enjoyed a bit of antique shopping on dates. Bit classier than car boot sales and edgier than Sunday markets.   (Hmm dating in your 40s is really not the same as in your 20s.  Times sure have changed).   Anyway one of my favourite dates - way back when - was hitting Alfies Antique Market in Marylebone.  I'm pretty sure I saw Brix Smith Start while I was there - and she is one cool woman.

I recently checked out New Vintage in Battersea with my camera so that I could share some of the magic and inspire you to give it a go.  I'm currently saving up for the table with Marilyn on it.  Let me know if you take me up on this idea or, if you are already a fan, where you usually go.

Until next time.....

How to get your dating groove back

photo credit: london's original online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Have you been online dating for a while? 
And do you find that all you do is moan about it to your friends?  If yes, you're probably in a total dating rut.  I've most definitely been there.   OK, it's time to get your dating groove back.  Here are a few things I found that worked for me:

1. Give yourself a break
So, first and foremost, give yourself time off.  Put your profile on hold, cancel your subscription and stop thinking and talking about dating.  Ahhh, see how good that feels.   At some point - it could be weeks, months or possibly years - you'll feel the pull drawing you back online.  Only go back to it when the pull is strong enough.

2. Change up your profile
When you're ready to jump back in, go in with a revamped profile, and if possible, some cool new photos.  As part of my dating photography service, I offer to review my clients' dating profiles at no extra cost should they wish to have a fresh pair of eyes on the case.

3. Head somewhere different
There's that expression "If you always do, what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got", which comes to my mind whenever things get stale.  There are dozens and dozens of dating sites out there like www.petloverdating.co.uk or www.doingsomething.co.uk.  Go explore.

4. Use a different standard 
Everyone has established ways of sizing up potential dates.  Some people make decisions based on just photos, some by how funny they are, some by how tall/short they are, what music they like or how popular they are.  Think about how you normally size up your potential dates and then switch it up.  This week, for example, perhaps you decide to give people with kids a go for a change.  You might be pleasantly surprised.  (I was!)

Did you find this useful?  If so, please share.  And if you're currently online dating, you are probably going to need a decent set of photos, so drop me a line and let's refresh your profile.

Email me at saskia@saturdaynightsalright.com
My portfolio of dating profile headshots are here at www.saturdaynightsalright.com

When bad dates happen to good people - the one with the country pub

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

"I knew the date was over when..."

We've all been there. That exact moment when you know the date is over.  That moment when you wish you could turn back time, enter a parallel universe or just fake a really good seizure.   I was told this story a while ago and I haven't been able to forget it.  This one is called 'the one with the county pub'.

Let's call her Amy
So Amy lives in the countryside and has a couple of young boys. Online dating, therefore, is a bit of an effort involving babysitters, meticulous planning and travelling across county borders.

The date

But hey she had been chatting to a pleasant guy for quite a while online and getting on like a house on fire.  It was time to meet.  She arranged a flexible babysitter, bribed the boys, fed the horses, dolled herself up and headed out for a two hour cross country drive to meet this guy who lived two counties away.  She pulled up to the pub car park the same time as he did, so they strolled in together, making small talk about the journey,

when he said
"You're lucky I made it today"
"Oh yes, why's that?"
"I've just come out of hospital. I probably shouldn't tell you what for".
"Then, please don't," she said
"I've just had treatment for an anal fissure".

They hadn't even ordered their drinks.

how to save time and money...and have more of a laugh.. by following a couple of first date rules

 photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright

Want to save time and money and avoid unnecessary heartache?  Read on......

Going on lots of first dates can be time consuming and, particularly if you're a guy, expensive.  They can also be painful, nerve wracking and generally embarrassing if left to chance.  I have pulled together a couple of simple guidelines for you which will make first dates a lot less painful and they will also save you time and money.   You see how I look out for you.

1. Get mentally prepared

There are four possible outcomes for every first date and only one of these is that you will both like each other (ahh the holy grail of dating).  The other three outcomes involve rejection of some kind, either yours, theirs or even both of you at once.  Once you get your head round this, you can head off to the date knowing you're fighting against the odds so if it doesn't pan out the way you wanted, it's no big deal, in fact it's the most likely outcome.

2. Meet for a quick post-work drink 

Ok, so why risk going to dinner with someone you've never met before, who may have lied on their profile and used a photo from 15 years ago?  Do you really want to spend a couple of hours with them over dinner when you knew the second you walked in that you never wanted to see them again?

Save time, money and ultimately your sanity and use first dates as a quick, easy and cheap way to get the measure of a potential partner.  A quick drink will give you enough time to figure out if you want to see them again and that is all your really need from a first date.  Say you only have an hour to meet.  The way they treat you after the date (how long they wait to text etc) will also give you lots of information about who they are, which can help you decide if they are worth seeing again.

Save the cool date ideas for second or third dates, when you know they are worth impressing.

3. Keep things positive and light hearted 

Ok, let's assume they haven't lied about their profile (hurrah) and you're enjoying yourself over your glass of wine/beer.  Keep the conversation casual and lighthearted.  Avoid talking about hospital appointments, illnesses, open wounds (you'd be surprised), ex partners, marriage, babies etc.  Come across as positive, open, relaxed and a good laugh.  Then after an hour, head off leaving them wanting more.  Keep it casual, if they are stalling about meeting again, no point hassling them about it.  They know where you are if they want to see you again. 

I hope you found this helpful?  I'd love to hear from you.  

4 common mistakes people make when choosing their dating profile pictures

photo credit: london's online dating photographer, saturday night's alright
Ready for your close up?  
Having been a dedicated online dater for many years, I have literally seen everything when it comes to people's dating profile photos.  According to my friend Will, 99% of guys and 68% of women, decide to contact someone based on their photos alone.  This stat is probably not totally accurate but I doubt it's far off.  So guess what guys?  It's crucial to make a bit of an effort to get this right.

With that in mind, here is my list of the top 4 common pitfalls to avoid when choosing your online dating profile pictures:

1. Looking like a serial killer

You might be surprised at how popular this is but unfortunately, this is very common.  This is mainly something for guys to look out for as women don't tend to make this rookie mistake.  What makes someone look like a serial killer?  The entire photo is made up of a close up of their head and they aren't smiling.  So, it's easy to rectify - take a photo which includes things other than just your head and you're probably going to improve your chances at least 50%.

2. Choosing photos taken 15 years ago

Ok, men and women are both guilty of this one.  If you're anything like me, it's easy to forget that 1998 was 15 years ago and so you don't feel like you're doing anything wrong when you choose a photo taken in the last millennium but no, it's wrong.  If everyone avoided this, first dates would be so much more pleasant.

3. Using 'selfies'

You know the photos I mean - the person is standing facing the bathroom mirror holding their phone in an awkward pose, usually on an angle and you can see their piles cream on the shelf behind their head. I want to say "How old are you?  12?", but I won't.  Two big reasons to avoid this (apart from the piles cream obviously), firstly this is how teens connect with each other on Instagram and secondly, it makes people think you have no mates.

4. Using photos with the 'ex' cut out

Just no.  Especially if you're clearly at a wedding and definitely not if it's your own wedding.


Come tell me if you have anything to add to this list, I'd love to hear from you.

Want to see some examples of great dating profile pictures, then head here.